a call for help

I want to find my father, Stephen Kloetzer (b. 1950 or 1951 in Ventura). I don't know where or how. Everytime I have asked my mother over the years she has brought up the fact that he is 'a schizophrenic'. Or attacked herself for having no information, she thinks he has another child, and he has a sister. I am afraid always to ask her over the years, not wanting to upset her. I mention it to my adopted father. He offers to help, which I am touched by, but how do I ask him directly? I really have come to love my adopted father and understand him and forgive him for our struggles over the years. But pieces of my life puzzle are missing. My hairdresser told me I should 'go to the town in France where your grandmother was born and see how it feels. And it really stuck when he said this. My grandfather is/was German, maybe this is why I picked up the language so quickly. I always felt drawn towards Germany and France. Other friends tell me that this is something I have to do before I can sort the rest of my life out - like my lovelife for one. One psychic friend (it seems so many friends are) says maybe I don't need to meet him yet he is the one who speaks of the missing pieces to my puzzle, I know these pieces are missing, holding me back, from getting to the next stage of my life. I think, I can do this on my own - I have encouragement from friends. I try the internet. I find an address, go there, no one. I think at one point I may have found my grandfather's name (Walter?) I write a letter. Just before I post it I check the net again - whoever that person was, they died in 1982 (born in 1913). I am crushed. Are my natural paternal grandparents dead? Will I ever know where they came from? Can I somehow see my father? I want to know if I resemble him, what he is like. I feel so hopeless, I am so tired of being on my own, always being strong, positive. I am asking the universe to help me. I just cant do it on my own anymore.

Posted byKarma at Saturday, December 08, 2007  

1 comments:

Kaye Waller said... Sunday, December 09, 2007  

I think it's really important for your personal sense of belonging and wholeness to look for him.

I found THIS at ancestry.com.

It may be a start.

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