san francisco is a fierce place to live
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Did I ever tell you that if I could choose the way I would die it would be to be mauled by a big cat? Poor Tatiana..
Posted byKarma at Wednesday, December 26, 2007 0 comments
Happy Christmas
Monday, December 24, 2007
Its amazing to think that one year ago I was in Devon, brokenhearted and grieving. Now I realize that the experience was one of the best things that happened to me, because it propelled me forward, as if the universe were shouting 'come on, there's so much more you can do with your life! You will have so many wonderful friends and family to help you on your journey!'
I am home with my parents for a couple of days for Christmas and I really appreciate being here, talking with my mother about my blood family, listening to my (adopted) dad,I really do admire his ability to remember everything, and his intelligence and curiosity about life and learning. When I talk to some of my close friends who's parents are no longer living or facing death, I really feel lucky to have my family. My brother and I are really getting to be great friends now that we are older - how great is that?
You all can have my wrapped packages under the iron christmas tree. I have been given so many gifts this year, I am full up.
Posted byKarma at Monday, December 24, 2007 0 comments
Merry Christmas
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Posted byKarma at Wednesday, December 19, 2007 0 comments
a call for help
Saturday, December 8, 2007
I want to find my father, Stephen Kloetzer (b. 1950 or 1951 in Ventura). I don't know where or how. Everytime I have asked my mother over the years she has brought up the fact that he is 'a schizophrenic'. Or attacked herself for having no information, she thinks he has another child, and he has a sister. I am afraid always to ask her over the years, not wanting to upset her. I mention it to my adopted father. He offers to help, which I am touched by, but how do I ask him directly? I really have come to love my adopted father and understand him and forgive him for our struggles over the years. But pieces of my life puzzle are missing. My hairdresser told me I should 'go to the town in France where your grandmother was born and see how it feels. And it really stuck when he said this. My grandfather is/was German, maybe this is why I picked up the language so quickly. I always felt drawn towards Germany and France. Other friends tell me that this is something I have to do before I can sort the rest of my life out - like my lovelife for one. One psychic friend (it seems so many friends are) says maybe I don't need to meet him yet he is the one who speaks of the missing pieces to my puzzle, I know these pieces are missing, holding me back, from getting to the next stage of my life. I think, I can do this on my own - I have encouragement from friends. I try the internet. I find an address, go there, no one. I think at one point I may have found my grandfather's name (Walter?) I write a letter. Just before I post it I check the net again - whoever that person was, they died in 1982 (born in 1913). I am crushed. Are my natural paternal grandparents dead? Will I ever know where they came from? Can I somehow see my father? I want to know if I resemble him, what he is like. I feel so hopeless, I am so tired of being on my own, always being strong, positive. I am asking the universe to help me. I just cant do it on my own anymore.
Posted byKarma at Saturday, December 08, 2007 1 comments
Labels: family
daddy
what good are my eyes if I cannot see him?
what good are my ears if I do not listen deeply enough?
what good is this heart if it sighs only for romance and does not know true love?
what good is this spirit, stubborn, broken, trying and failing, falling, fallen.
Posted byKarma at Saturday, December 08, 2007 0 comments
