Mewsings

holiday or home
Thursday, March 29, 2007

First day in San Francisco. I drove straight to Golden Gate Park and walked around 'my' old haunt, the North Lake. I felt so alive, energised. I wondered if I would be similarly inspired by the sea, and was a bit disappointed, but proud to admit that my hometown Ventura has one of the best beaches (sand, surf, views, not thronged by tourists, don't need to be a movie star to afford to lie on them) in the world.

Walked through Lindley Meadow among the groves of Eucalyptus, Fir and Pine, then sat for a while with my back against a Red Cedar, contemplating my future. What should I do? Should I move back? Could I do it? It scares me, the change. I sought refuge in the tiny health food shops along Fillmore street, looking at the lotions, the aromatherapy oils, all so familiar now, and yet different. I started writing down the names of 'our competitors', wanting to return to NYR and say, 'send me back to SF now, I will find our new store and set it up for you.'

My two friends here are from my past, the world of western medicine, drugs for everything, doctors. One has gone the traditional job, marriage, kids route. The other I see tomorrow - still very much a city girl, I believe. Where would I fit? My friend's father reminded me of it yesterday 'You have a variety of accents'. I want to speak with my own voice, and I think I am finding it, albeit slowly.

I wish I knew where I would be in a year. But for now, I will try to remind myself that I am on holiday, and here to have fun!

Posted byKarma at Thursday, March 29, 2007 0 comments  

Labels: home

arg nit state of mind
Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Going home to California tomorrow. I still call it 'home' although I have lived in the UK for nearly 8 years now. I wonder if it will still feel like 'home'? I haven't been there since 2004, and lots of things have changed since then.

I was just looking over my old blogs, and saw a post from October of last year, the 7 year anniversary of my coming to the UK to live. I reasoned then that I would probably rather live in California, and at that time I felt eager to move back. So many things have changed since then, and I am happy to be learning about myself, building friendships here, sometimes struggling but also having fun and dancing!

I have booked to go to my first dance camp in Montpellier, by myself (!) in May, and I may go to Sweden and Prague in the summer as well. I am partly compelled by this 'if I am moving back, I must see all of the places in Europe I wanted to see', isn't this is a great way to live? To make the most of where I am now...

Posted byKarma at Wednesday, March 21, 2007 2 comments  

Labels: home

musical genius
Thursday, March 15, 2007

A friend sent me this link which really made my day. Enjoy.

Posted byKarma at Thursday, March 15, 2007 0 comments  

Labels: fun

my hands smell like carpet shampoo
Monday, February 26, 2007

I am moving on Wednesday, leap year. Grandpa would have turned 96, had he lived two more years. He had 'good innings', still I really miss him. He was so cool. When he was around 90 he was getting out of his car to go to Carrows one evening and this teenage kid tried to take his car, and grandpa nearly knocked him out! He would have punched my ex for leaving me, and honestly I would have loved to see it.

I was really inspired today reading Lynette's MySpace posting of Steph's comments on love. I have a stone that has the word 'patience' written on it, and I think I'll carry it in my pocket!

Posted byKarma at Monday, February 26, 2007 1 comments  

Labels: life

feeling a helluva lot better
Saturday, February 10, 2007

Went to meditation class this evening, feeling grounded now. Focus on the present, I think, for the time being, as I get pretty dark and panicky if I go too far into the future.

As the roots of a plant anchor it in the ground and give it stability, the knowledge of one's cultural and spiritual heritage gives a sure foundation on which to build one's sense of identity...

Posted byKarma at Saturday, February 10, 2007 0 comments  

Labels: being

recipe
Thursday, February 1, 2007

ingredients:

• 1 heart
• very very sharp knife
• pair of gloves
• jiffy bag, pre-addressed
• phone
  

1. phone courier, arrange for a pick-up at 2pm sharp. Pre-pay.
2. at 1:45pm go to kitchen. Put gloves on.
3. place 2 fingers to the left of breast bone.
4. exhale completely, and place tip of knife to the left of two fingers, holding with both hands.
5. inhale sharply, at the same time driving knife deep into chest.
6. twist knife into a careful circle, counterclockwise, the shape of a small fist.
7. using right hand, carefully scoop out heart, discarding small bone fragments.
8. place in pre-addressed jiffy bag.
9. go to front door, place bag outside of front door, close door.
   

Posted byKarma at Thursday, February 01, 2007 1 comments  

Labels: darkness

snow!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I ambled sleepily to the french windows this morning, tea in hand and pushed back the curtains to find the garden full of snow! Only a few inches, but fresh and beautiful. I wish I hadn't given the camera away, I would take a picture!

Good news, I think I have found a new place, with a lovely friend who I have done shows with, who is a vicar, so I would be living in the vicarage! Big house, lovely dining room and garden, the furniture in the lounge is really really old fashioned but I suppose appropriate for him to meet the old parishioners. Oh and a sheepdog, no cat (!) but a nice sheepdog and I would feel safe with him in the house if alone, I suppose. He is 12, so pretty mellow, maybe I could push for a cat later, I think a cat would revive his youth...

Posted byKarma at Wednesday, January 24, 2007 1 comments  

Labels: seasons

popspiration
Thursday, January 18, 2007

Thanks to reading everyone's spine-chingling pop culture moments at the Roundtable, I finally found the title of my favourite Stevie Wonder song - the chorus has been chasing around in my head on and off for ages. I am going to go out and buy the cd. I just love the lyrics:

Posted byKarma at Thursday, January 18, 2007 0 comments  

Labels: music

no longer anonymous
Sunday, January 14, 2007

I want to form a women's group. This idea has been at the back of my mind for years now, but really coming forward as I have been reading so many self help books lately. So many people I know have read the books and watched the films and have been inspired. But for how long? I find the words stay with me for a day, a few days perhaps. I have participated in singing workshops, drama workshops, healing workshops, meditation groups, and find that their energetic imprint goes deeper, and longer-lasting. But there is usually a high cost involved. Worth it, once every 6 months or year, but I would love to have this input once a week! Why does one have to be a recovering Alcoholic to get such amazing support? Why have we isolated ourselves so much from our community?

I am going through a challenging time, as you all know. And you all have been amazing, I just wish I could speak with you more often, and in person. The energy of being all together in a group, all committed to self-growth is amazing. So I want to start this conversation. Maybe it is happening on the web somewhere, but if not it should be. Maybe I should found it... like MySpace, but NOT about advertising your band, or dating, or some of the other lovely but different hobbies/common interest groups. Where you could put in your postal code or zip code and find a group in your area to meet and talk on a weekly or fortnightly basis. Basically free, or just money to cover drinks/tea and healthy snacks. And the groups I guess would vary according to that community's/member's needs. But I want my group to be:

• Female only to start, around 10 people, sort of 30's and above.
• Women really 'on the path' of self-growth, pro-actively learning to know and love their true selves with stories to tell about their paths, eg discussing books they are reading and really digesting (doing the exercises and meditations in the books and/or thinking/writing/discussing themes)
• Taking responsibility for their physical health, with a healthy diet,exercise, using holistic and conventional medicine as appropriate
• Willing to listen without judgment, also able to speak one's own truth, look at things positively, also able to be angry or sad but try to recognise when anger and sadness are a healthy release and when it is attention seeking or remaining stuck or control or fear of freedom.
  

Posted byKarma at Sunday, January 14, 2007 1 comments  

Labels: goals

goodbye 2006
Sunday, December 31, 2006

Although the past two months of 2006 have been hard, there have also been good moments, so here is to 2006, thank you and goodbye! A few 'highlights' (no 'Sunday paper' glossies avail, so please imagine in vivid colour:)

• Birthday Tea at The Lanesborough
• Holiday in Dominican Republic
• Studying essential oils in Les Labradours, France
• Playing Julie Jordan in Carousel
• Herbalism weekend with Christopher Headley (Gandalf) in Dorset
• Moving into our lovely garden flat and having friends around for dinner on the patio
• A perfect, hot day at the beach in Vessegeburo, Sweden
• Hiking in the Swiss Alps
• Taking Carcinocin after the hell month of too much work and suddenly making more friends and arranging party evenings
• Starting Kung Fu
• Simon leaving the apartment and separation
• Everyone at work and friends being amazingly supportive
• Reaching out and reaching in
• Walking on the beach at Slapton Ley, Devon, on Boxing Day
• Synergy New Years Eve Party...

Posted byKarma at Sunday, December 31, 2006 0 comments  

Labels: reflecting

day by day
Sunday, December 3, 2006

The last post turned out to be a big, big turning point. I have spent a lot of time lately feeling alternatively extremely challenged and inspired,and wanted to post some of the web sites which I have found. I have not had a TV for nearly 6 months now, and do miss the amazing BBC nature programmes, but there is so much amazing TV on the web, and the best bit is that I choose what I'd like to watch! I am finding it a great way to begin to pick up on the vast amount of information on 'green issues' such as ethical (and safe!)consumerism. I decided to check out Sam Suds cartoon at pvcfree.org for a start!

Posted byKarma at Sunday, December 03, 2006 0 comments  

Labels: life

mrowrumph
Tuesday, November 28, 2006

this is how I feel today. I got it from mycathatesyou.

Posted byKarma at Tuesday, November 28, 2006 0 comments  

Labels: cats

blah blah
Thursday, November 16, 2006

Alcohol is evil. For me, that is... Wish I could just get lightly pissed (or even totally drunk) like normal people and enjoy it. But no, I get all stressed out and feel ill and hate everyone and am all criticalness.

Mind, I started the day in a shitty mood. I blame the potatoes. They are evil too (not as evil as alcohol, but nearly). Had a bunch of potatoes with dinner Tuesday eve and then had a million dreams Tuesday eve and woke up feeling like I'd been run over several times by a huge sofa. Work was a bit of a blur, those days where you feel like you have a million things to do, so you go and get coffee from the supermarket and rice milk from the health food store and by the time you've made it and drunk it, it's lunchtime, and hardly anything's gotten done.

I had an appointment after work with a 'laser-cosmetic surgery nurse' at some posh spa in Elmer's End to ask about having my legs done (preferably bikini line down). Yah, its for vanity, but also because if I don't shave (my calves, I hardly bother with my thighs) with a new razor or do it too quickly the hairs ingrow and itch like hell a couple of days later. Well, at 6min treatments for £500 a pop, its out of my league. At some point I will probably be able to afford it, but by that time I will probably be too old to care. Wish sometimes I'd gone for the money option over the love option.

But that's probably the evil, critical wine and dark chocolate dessert hangover talking. Best to get off to sleep before I do too much mental damage.

Posted byKarma at Thursday, November 16, 2006 0 comments  

Labels: life

catbus
Thursday, November 2, 2006

I recently watched My Neighbour Totoro again. I just love the concept of the catbus. Did you know that in Japan, if cats are old and wizened, they are thought to possess magical, shape-shifting powers. So this cat decided to become a bus! Wouldn't this be a great way to encourage using public transport?!

Posted byKarma at Thursday, November 02, 2006 0 comments  

Labels: cats

peeps
Saturday, October 28, 2006

Remember Peeps? This entry at Chocolate Obsession is hilarious...

Posted byKarma at Saturday, October 28, 2006 0 comments  

Labels: links

an auspicious day
Tuesday, October 17, 2006

As of today, I have been in the UK for 7 years. Strange, I would never have guessed I would be living here this long. I am still very undecided about this place. When I first arrived, I was shocked at the difference in the standard of living between here and the US. There are many things that I miss:

• My lovely friends in the US
• Taquerias for fantastic, healthy, cheap take-away
• Jamba Juice, or other smoothie places
• Cafes that are open late and NOT Starbucks
• The beach and the sea on my doorstep
• The sun - although global warming has favoured south east England’s climate this summer and autumn
• The openness and friendliness and easiness of making new friends in California
• Cheap gas (this has changed), cheap rent (this also)

• Warm days in the summer with lush greenness everywhere
• Letting go of the need to identify myself with an ‘ache/pain’ or a daily ‘drama’ and just being present in the moment
• Not feeling that I need to be beautiful or look put together all the time (still working on this)
• News media that is much more free speech than in the US (although I hardly follow news, it is still mostly alarmist and depressing here)
• Meeting people who are really into issues such as organics and sustainability, although I work in a different industry than I did in the US
• Actually, perhaps these things were always present around me in the US and I wasn’t ready/able to notice them before?
  

• Obsession with money and identification by what car you drive, what your career is, your house, etc (my american friends weren’t like this, but the general overall energy affected me and I would obsess on wanting more ‘stuff’ - I still ‘daydream/shop’ but much, much less)
• George W Bush - why do I hate him so? I dont know him personally, but he has done so many hurtful, careless, selfish things and so many have suffered/died because of his administration
• I worry I will be drawn into my parents ‘script’ if I live closer to them, yet in so many ways I love and understand them and celebrate who they choose to be without trying to fix them (tho sometimes I cant help but try to suggest my ideas)
• What if I cant find a job and suffer financially? Although this has never been a problem. I just want the same job or similar to what I do now, but for a slightly better standard of living (one more bedroom, and a cat or two
• I think if I really look at what I’ve written, it seems that I would rather live in the US. There is a chance of possibly moving with my company, but the date is uncertain, possibly the next year or two. I guess it would be better to come post Bush anyway...

Posted byKarma at Tuesday, October 17, 2006 1 comments  

Labels: home

musical exploration
Friday, September 29, 2006

Bought my first Carpenters CD today! She has such a fantastic voice, so rich and such amazing legato and breath control! They had real singers back then. I was just a kid in the 70s but remember quite a few of the songs, and they are all so positive and 'feel good'. What is your favourite Carpenter's song?

Posted byKarma at Friday, September 29, 2006 3 comments  

Labels: music

whirr... whirr
Friday, September 8, 2006

I bought a sewing machine today! It is still in the box. I am a bit scared of it. One of my colleagues at work says she will show me how to thread it. I havent tried to thread a machine in over 25 years - I think I knew how to, once. I have wanted to do something creative that is not singing for a few years now and I keep looking at sewing classes each autumn and spring and now that I am fed up with my job (working too damn much lately and it finally wore me down) I really need something to 'switch off' with (that doesn't damage my liver or blood sugar levels ;) ). I have been trying to get through to Morley college, in hopes of signing up for a Monday class, which starts week after next. Must get some scrap fabric to play with...

Posted byKarma at Friday, September 08, 2006 0 comments  

Labels: fun

Posted byKarma at Saturday, September 02, 2006  

the hills were alive
Monday, August 21, 2006

I can now play Maria in Sound of Music because I have been there. We had a lovely holiday in Switzerland, hiking in the mountains and breathing the fresh clear air!

Posted byKarma at Monday, August 21, 2006 0 comments  

Labels: travel